[adsense float=’left’]Respect means to acknowledge the skills, logic, feelings or resources of others that have allowed them to survive the battle called life. That is a strange definition, but based on Personality Marketing, it is correct.
Before I explain what this definition, I’d like to show you what happens when a person is dis-respected. Basically, as you expect, it ends in conflict.
Take Your Best Shot
“Take your best shot” is the phrase that you’ll seems to occur a lot on the TV reality shows. It is almost always uttered by people one specific personality type. For the other three types, it is time to back down.
The one personality type that will not back down from a fight is the Warrior. They were born for this mission, so they will almost always take up the challenge to a fight.
In the video clip below from the TV show Black Gold, notice the two Warriors that are just about ready to at each other. The reason: “respect.”
Here is a brief breakdown of what is happening in the clip: Aaron Wheeler is an old hand on the drilling rig, and a newbie, (called a worm) by the name of Cheston McElhaney is trying to tell him to pick up the pace. The experienced Warrior is having no part of it.
Why not? Because the new guy doesn’t respect his experience and skills on the drilling rig. Aaron is thinking: “What does this person know about drilling? He might make a mistake that gets me killed.” Therefore, he needs to be “called-out,” which is the phrase he uses during the argument.
To be called-out is to be confronted, so that others can make a comparison of the two people.
Now Cheston feels he isn’t being taken seriously. He’s trying to prove his worth, which requires that the whole team be more productive. He’s being confined by the actions of other people.
From this point, things escalate.
“Come get your ass whooped!” says the experienced driller Aaron.
“Whoop it then!” replies the newbie Cheston.
The only thing that prevents fists from flying is one of the managers (Oscar Barreras) gets in the middle of it, and keeps the two Warriors separated.
How Are Female Warriors Different?
The female Warrior personality-type are no different. Typically, they don’t come to physical blows, but they will go jaw-to-jaw – even for hours on end.
In this clip from the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, we see two sisters (Kyle Richards, and older sister Kim Richards) bicker back and forth. As you watch the clip, notice how their friends say that this is typical of them, and they’ll often go back and forth all night long.
What caused this argument?
In the case of the two sisters on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the younger one (brunette Kyle Richards) feels that the older sister is disrespecting her by showing up late for the party that she is throwing for her husband. In other words, she is showing respect for her husband, but her sister is not. That burns her chops.
On the opposite side of the argument, the older sibling (blonde Kim Richards) feels blind-sided by the issue. She does offer a small apology, but the younger sister Kyle Richards doesn’t feel that goes far enough. Therefore, the older sister, now feels that the younger one is disrespecting her by not allowing her to have the freedom to do as she pleases.
They both feel dis-respected!
How Does This Battle End?
It ends with the ultimate disrespect that you can give to another individual. The boyfriend of Kim Richards says: “I don’t care.”
When it gets to this point, the battle comes to a conclusion. No one has capitulated, but one side is tired of the argument.
CRITICALLY IMPORTANT NOTE: The battle may be over, but the war isn’t!
Because the war isn’t over, the same battle is likely to be fought all over again at a later date.
Remember this the next time you say the words: “I don’t care” to someone (like a customers). It is the ULTIMATE disrespect.
Respect Means Different Things To Different Personality Types
What is respected means different things to different personality types. And there is the huge difference between the four different personality types.
For the Warriors, which you saw above, what they respect (and want to be respected for) is “accomplishment.” Particularly: physical accomplishment.
For example, the ultimate accomplishment is surviving a battle. But other achievements are also worthy of respect, such as winning a contest where there is a lot on the line (athletics, poker, auto racing). The more life-or-death the contest is, the more worthy it is of respect. But contests where there is not an imminent danger of losing something, such as scholarly achievements, they aren’t so much impressed. But put those scholarly achievements on a game show, and the entire situation changes.
For Warriors, respect is NOT given. It is only earned.
In his book: “Leadership Secrets of the Rogue Warrior,” Richard Marcinko (who was a former Navy Seal, writes:
“In the Navy, I believed in treating everyone equally—just like shit. But after somebody proved himself to me, I adjust my attitude accordingly. I then treated him like a colleague—like a fellow warrior.”
This attitude toward respect is vastly different from what the Morale Officer personality-types have.
They believe in giving respect almost unconditionally to another human being. The ONLY condition is that the other human being must also give respect away freely.
So if they see you treating someone rudely, they will not give you any respect.
While searching around the internet, I stumble across this comment by a Morale Officer personality-type Sven Schoene. He writes:
“All points resonated with me, especially “respect other people first”, so many people don’t get that. They demand respect and don’t give respect to anybody. Of course, that’s not really working most of the time…
Let me add one more idea to this list: Sometimes it’s not about doing something to get respect. Maybe it’s just about letting go of the idea that you have to earn the respect of anyone. Seriously, just don’t care any more and be yourself.
If you can let go of the need to get respect AND STILL do all the things on your list (respect other people; be well-mannered; be authentic; be a role-model; don’t bad mouth; etc…) then you’ve hit the jackpot in my opinion. ;-)”
The Purpose Of Respect
Respect is a persuasion tool. When you have the respect of another person, it allows you to get that person to follow your directions.
From the Warriors perspective—which is based on his DNA directions to fight and survive wars—he is NEVER going to give someone with less experience than he has any respect. Because that would mean that he would have to take direction from that individual.
For example, imagine a 20-year veteran of the Army (say a person with the rank of Master Sergeant) going into battle with a Private. Would the Master Sergeant take advice from the Private? If he did, they both would probably get killed. It is a survival mechanism for him, so he will never freely give respect because it could cost him his life.
The Morale Officers don’t seem to grasp this concept. For them, it is more important for the two soldiers to get along and feel good about themselves. The Master Sergeant is following what his DNA tells him is the correct thing to do as a fighter, and he won’t give his respect to the Private until that soldier earns it in battle.
Logisticals and Strategists view on Respect
The Logisticals and the Strategists lean more to the view that respect must be earned.
The Strategist’s view is closer to that of the Warrior’s. He has to look at the track record of the individual before he gives him any respect. But it is more than just their track record; it is who else has vetted that person’s track record. In other words, they do a back-ground check on the person by asking people that they already trust, what they think about the person. Therefore, if the person in front of the Strategist has no “friends” that he himself would trust, then he is not going to trust the person.
[adsense float=’left’]The Logistical is also a bit unique on who he gives respect to. For him, respect is given when they view the person treating “resources” with respect.
Since I’m of the Logistical personality type, I’ll give you a couple of examples from my own life.
When I see someone abusing a piece of equipment, I have no respect for the person. For example, if they are driving a car, and they are spinning the tires or slamming on the breaks – just for the fun of it, I do get emotional. No respect!
And it irks me when I watch an action-movie where a Warrior just tosses aside a perfectly good weapon just because it ran out of bullets. It is only when I look at it from the Warrior’s perspective—as the gun being something the inhibits his mobility in battle—does it make sense.
In the same way, as a Logistical, I view people as being “resources.” So like the Morale Officers, I get angry when I see people being mistreated by others for no particular reason.
However, unlike the Morale Officers, for us Logisticals, it is situation-dependant. I can watch the TV show COPS, and I’ll root for the police officer to be a bit more harsh with the perpetrator. The criminal, is often guilty of mistreating other people or their resources, so I don’t feel any shame for watching the policeman throw him harshly to the ground in order to cuff him.
How to Resolve Conflicts
Most conflicts are started by one person showing another a lack of respect.
In the future, I’ll show you how to resolve these disputes so that you come out on top – which means you’ll win more sales!
Until next time, “Be Fruitful.”